


Big Battles, Small Wars

by JoseyxNeko



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crack Prompt: Tiny, Discord: O Lord Heal This Server, Multi, Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies, OLHTS made me do it, Who has the braincell today?, fighting to the death, misuse of miracles, neither of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko
Summary: Aziraphale held firm in his position as he faced his enemy. So many fallen soldiers already, but the battle had yet to be won.He surveyed his enemy’s movements and devised a new plan of attack. One wrong move could prove fatal for either of them.Aziraphale and Crowley construct a creative way to solve an argument.Crack Prompt: TinyOverall Winner of the OLHTS Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies 'Tiny' prompt.🥳
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26
Collections: The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS





	Big Battles, Small Wars

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this comes across as epic as it appeared in my head 🤞

Aziraphale held firm in his position as he faced his enemy. So many fallen soldiers already, but the battle had yet to be won.

He surveyed his enemy’s movements and devised a new plan of attack. One wrong move could prove fatal for either of them.

A soldier on horseback advanced, but skidded to a halt just behind him. Aziraphale had gotten lucky; he remained just out of reach.

He moved onwards once more, ever aware of his lessening defences. He really would have to be more careful; the consequences of losing were unimaginable.

Unexpectedly, royalty appeared on the battlefield! They didn't often show up so soon in a fight such as this. He watched as a suit of armour identical to his was struck down behind him in a cry of anguish. His side was falling fast, and it was imperative that he make a dent in the opposition's defences.

He approached once more; perhaps bargaining would help his case.

"Crowley, I must ask you to reconsider your position on this matter."

A red headed figure from across the field lifted its visor.

"It's no use Angel. I have you now."

The figure struck out at an angle and took out another of Aziraphale's men.

Aziraphale looked around in panic. He was really going to lose!

"Crowley," he addressed another soldier in front of him, "I really must insist! You can't do this. There's been too much loss already."

"That's the point," another red headed solider enunciated as it lifted its visor. "Casualties of war. Make your move Angel; we had a deal."

"I can't," Aziraphale panicked, looking around himself. Any move he made would leave him completely vulnerable and the battle lost.

Crowley held fast before him, waiting for Aziraphale's next action.

"You can," he said, "and you will. It's a game, Angel, and it won't end unless somebody loses. Today that's going to be you."

"I don't know why I let you talk me into this!" he shouted now, helpless to defend his honour, helpless to defend his fellow soldiers, the monarchy. "I never should have agreed! I was content just sitting by the fire when-"

"What the _hell_ are you two doing?!"

Crowley and Aziraphale looked up to see Anathema and a slightly startled Newt standing at the entrance of the backroom. They looked back down at their game to see several tiny Aziraphale's in very elaborate costumes panicking in their positions on the board, pleading with the Crowley's on the opposite side who all looked very smug and suave in their tight fitting armour. Especially extravagant was Queen Crowley in her gowns and jewels; she was eyeing up Queen Aziraphale who blushed wearing a modest silver frock. King Crowley had been given a small pointy beard.

The pair looked back to their guests.

"What do you mean?" Crowley asked dumbly.

Anathema gestured to beside the board with a look of disgust.

The _'pieces'_ taken off the board lay in small bloody messes beside it, several Aziraphales having their wounds tended to by the not-so-injured Aziraphales. Meanwhile; one Crowley sat atop a pile of tiny Crowley carcasses, casually smoking a cigarette and drinking a tiny glass of bourbon. It shrugged up at its normal sized counterpart.

"It's chess, dear," Aziraphale said in way of explanation.

"With miniature versions of _you_?!" Anathema screeched in disbelief.

"Well we couldn't find the original pieces!" Aziraphale huffed.

"You're an angel!" Anathema waved her hand at him. "And you're a demon! Just- conjure up a set from somewhere! Surely it would've been less effort than whatever _this_ is??"

Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other.

"Didn't think of that," Crowley admitted.

Aziraphale's cheeks went red. "No, we didn't."

They looked down at their fallen pieces; a mini Aziraphale had climbed to the top of the Crowley corpse pile. They were sharing the bourbon between them, the Aziraphale smiling shyly.

"Not _one_ fucking braincell between them, I swear," Anathema muttered, turning on her heel and marching from the shop, Newton in tow.

"Did you- did you want to finish the game?" Crowley asked tentatively.

"No," Aziraphale sighed, "they've suffered enough. You win. I'll watch your sword film."

“It’s ‘Knives Out’, Angel.”

Aziraphale gave a look that implied he really didn’t care.

Crowley gave a shark like grin. "And the chess pieces?" He gestured to the board.

Aziraphale looked at them. Poor things.

"They can stay around for a bit longer." He addressed the board; "You're unshackled. Use your remaining time wisely."

The miniatures let out a high pitched cheer, and then all dove at each other. Queen Crowley had her head up Queen Aziraphale's skirts before they hit the ground.

Aziraphale coughed, ears pink. "Yes, well. Let's get on, shall we? After you."

Crowley kept his eyes on the board until the very last moment, appearing to be taking notes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, as it fuels my creativity. Kudos are appreciated too :)
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/joseyxneko).  
> 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Big Battles, Small Wars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27310036) by [Literarion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literarion/pseuds/Literarion)




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